The Tourist: Review

Directed by Florian Heckel von Donnersmarck. Starring Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Paul Bettany, and Timothy Dalton.

Ok so check out my review of the trailer for this film back in September...or whenever the hell it was.

I stan for Angelina Jolie. That said. This was not a great work of art. Well, it was a work of art that was great as far as scenery and capturing the beauty of Venice. It didn't have the action and suspense I thought it would have, but it was nicely done. I felt like it was a more realistic action spy movie. Of course Johnny Depp isn't going to pull any Daniel Craig type shit. And Angelina herself just plays an attractive woman caught up in some shit. It wasn't over the top, which for many of her fans was a disappointment. I wanted to see her kick some ass because that's the Jolie I fell in stalking with came to appreciate in her films.

Jolie is being closely watched by the government, and a hot Paul Bettany, when she has to throw them off by seeking a random tourist to portray her accomplice. She chooses Johnny! He of course falls for her and ends up getting in to much more then he bargains for. I get why Johnny's character would fall for Jolie's but in this film, I don't get why she would fall for him? He's a dopey english teacher and she's a hot whatever she is. But that's film for ya! I was right about one thing...there was a queer twist...you're partially retarded if you don't catch what it is halfway through the film though. Just FYI.

All in all it didn't suck, but it wasn't awesome either. I hope Johnny and Jolie work together on another project but I honestly don't see that happening.

8/10. Don't give me a side eye it was Angelina Jolie AND Johnny Depp!

Burlesque: Review

Directed by Steve Antin. Starring Cher, Christina Aquilera, Kristen Bell, Eric Dane, Cam Gigandet, Julianna Hough, Alan Cumming, Peter Gallagher, and Stanley Tucci :)

When I first saw the trailer for Burlesque I immediately thought FLOP FLOP FLOP, showgirls 2.0, weeeeakkkkk! But I actually enjoyed the film mostly because I'm a sucker for dancing and singing and now BURLESQUE itself it kinda cool. I'm one of those people that see a film like this and go "I can do that, I can sooo do that! Why am I not doing that???!"

Now talk all the shit you want about Christina but we all know she can sing. Yes she sometimes does the most and it's not always necessary to sound like a bear coming out of hibernation, but when done right at the end of the day she still shits on your favorite singer. Can she act? The first 20 minutes of the film I was over it. As you know one of my movie pet peeves is singers thinking they can act and actors thinking they can sing. Sometimes it happens but most of the times it doesn't. I didn't ever feel sorry for Christina's character or emotionally connect with her...but the point was she can sing and that she did. Her vocals on "Bound to you" sold me on the film. She dances better then she acts by like .02% btw.

Cher was amazing but it's Cher. Ever since Mermaids I was a stan for Winona Ryder and Cher. Honestly though, if she wasn't in this film it would not have worked. Like the poster says...It takes a Legend to make a Star. I couldn't see anyone else playing these two parts and pulling it off. Unless you put Angelina Jolie as Cher and Me as Christina, and forget the burlesque...it's about her seducing brad and me seducing shia. *laughs evily* Just kidding guys.

I'm not going to even get into the storyline because it was boring...only see the film if you want to hear some songs and see some dancing and lose yourself in it. Harmless film but I could see myself owning it one day.

6/10 whoohoo!

How Do You Know: Review

Directed by James L. Brooks. Starring Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd!!!!, Owen Wilson, Jack Nicholson, and Kathryn Hahn.

Disclaimer: I saw this film by default. I was supposed to be seeing the latest Harry Potter installment but I refuse to sit in the first three rows -_- so How Do You Know it was...

A sucker for Paul Rudd and anything he is involved in.....Paul Rudd is everyone's boyfriend...this movie still sucked hard. I guess I get what it was going for?? A romantic comedy about white people and their problems gah. But usually I can take a film for what it is and just enjoy it. This however was not the case...

Reese Witherspoon plays an athlete on the down fall of her career. She's too old to play competitively and now must find a new passion in life. Owen Wilson plays a successful athlete who is full of himself but does actually care for Reese's character..in his own way. Paul Rudd!!!! plays a business guy who is being indicted and may lose everything, and Jack Nicholson plays his father.

The story line made sense but I honestly failed to connect with any of the characters. It was like all the actors played their characters how they wanted too without the director forcing them to do it the way he probably visioned it. It's hard to explain but I feel like each day they went to set and did their lines and went home. Nobody took the initiative to become their character or do more with the script then they absolutely had too for a check. My biggest pet peeve in the film was I failed to see how anyone fell in love with anyone! If this is how people fall in love well count me out! I rather be the old bitchy lady with a million dogs barking all night then have NO ROMANCE.

This was an extremely forgettable movie which sucks because it had such a potential cast. I don't blame the script or anything...I just think nobody actually tried in this film which pisses me off because I actually paid to see it! It's like I went to the teller and said "I'd like to see this movie but ehhhh I'll watch it for free." You think he gives a damn whether I want to pay or not! So Reese, Owen, Jack, and yes you too my boyfriend PAUL! I don't care if you want to act today or not...just do what the fuck you're supposed to do!

3/10 losers


Free Joke! How does Reese eat soup??? With her spoon! Ahahahahahahahah

No More Inferno for Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan will no longer be playing Linda Lovelace in her pornographic, violent and sometimes bestiality movie about her life Inferno.

Michael Wilder tells E!

"We are withdrawing our offer from Lindsay Lohan," Wilder says. "We are currently in negotiations [with another actress] and working out the legalities of bringing her onboard."

In fact, E! News will exclusively announce Monday which "amazing actress" is replacing Lohan as Lovelace.

Well it was bound to happen this way. Nobody was going to insure Lindsay to do the film in the first place. And they were supposed to start shooting months ago, but lohans trouble with rehab kept postponing that. You can't keep that many people out of work for that length of time. On the other hand, nobody is going to see this film without Lindsays name to it. Wasn't that kinda the whole point?

Personally, I'm glad Lindsay won't be making this shit film. This wasn't going to make her career any better? And I'm actually rooting for the town crackhead, so judge me if you must.

Lindsay,

Get sober and get right for the next few years. Then come back and slay the industry!

Sincerely, Tasha Dee

Also, unless Betty White is going to play Lovelace why are they even still going to make this film?


Source

For Colored Girls: Review

Directed by Tyler Perry. Starring Kimberly Elise, Janet Jackson, Loretta Devine, Thandie Newton, Anika Noni Rose, Kerry Washington, Tessa Thompson, Whoopi Goldberg, Macy Grace, and Phylicia Rashad!

Based on the play by Ntozake Shange "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf."

You have to go into this knowing that it is a series of monoloqgues performed by different characters each with their own storylines to exemplify their prolific poems.

Tyler Perry did well in connecting the character story lines to have all the women know each other. That was not the case in the play version. And I can't comment enough on how the acting just touched my soul. Firstly, Phylicia Rashad is the female version of Morgan Freeman. She is God on film. Don't be mad. and Loretta Devine needs to by my life coach because she had the films best poem and damn if she didn't mean it!

"Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff!"

On that note. The film didn't do much else. I guess it was supposed to evoke emotions about being a colored girl in this society, but all those problems can be seen from other women of colors or even white girls. And what was the message? That black men suck, and black women suffer? What was supposed to inspire me? As a colored girl in the modern world none of those story lines would make me consider suicide, well maybe Kimberly Elise's character. (see the film to know what I'm referring too) And for those that did cry when watching this, I'm at a lost again. Sure there were plenty of sad things going on, aka every scene. But nothing that shocked or was disturbing to me. In all, I found the film to be really dated, hence it being written in the 1970's, and Perry didn't do well to make it modern. 

Kerry Washington is a fine actress but did not shine through all that talent. She barely had a chance though so I'll give her that. I have seen Anika Noni Rose and Physiclia on stage for "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" and they both do well on screen. Whoopi played the hell out her part! And Thandie surprised me, although I"m not sure why. She was great as well.

Also has anyone started a petition to get Janet Jackson to stop acting? *looks around*

6/10 is the best I can do. And it got that much for having Phylicia and Loretta.

The Fighter

Boy do I love a good boxing movie! I mean forget Harry Potter, The Rocky Franchise took me there! So naturally I'm excited about The Fighter coming out this year!! Bonus points for being about Irish brothers! (I am obsessed with the boondock saints don't cha know!)

Great cast and Director David O. Russell (whoever that is.)

Disclaimer: I'd see this film for the cast alone. Mark Whalberg, Christian Bale, and Amy Adams could film themselves watching a snail do the worm and I'd yell OSCAR!

I love when Mark plays manly men...ala shooter, four brothers!!!, and himself in Entourage lol. Pause. How the hell did Marky Mark go from Calvin Klein model to producing Entourage, How to make it in America, and now Boardwalk Empire!!! Niceeeeee.

Christian Bale is a brilliant determined actor who of course takes himself way too seriously. But at least he's talented.

And Amy Adams has yet to make me angry in a film. Well done.

Watch the trailer, get excited, then see the film! ok?

Little Red Riding Hood

Amanda Seyfried stars as Little Red Riding Hood in the new 2011 film version. I guess little miss nosy grows up and the town wolf that murdered her family comes back to haunt the already gothic town.

Click here to watch the trailer.

A few things.

1) The director Catherine Hardwicke directed the first Twilight. Guess she is paying Homage.
2) They never show us the freaking wolf! Umm ok, aren't trailers supposed to make me want to see the film???
3) This male lead...Shiloh Fernandez....yea he's two scrawny/weak/femmed out for me to take seriously. I won't with him being the town bad boy.
4) It's annoyingly obvious that the wolf is like Gary Oldman who plays Father Solomon because WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE IN THIS FAKE ASS TWILIGHT RIP OFF.

but as the old saying goes...if it aint broke then don't fix it. Well played Catherine. Sike.